Apr 17
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Apr 17
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Apr 17
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me nd my cell girlfriend


me: bb ur mitochondria is so cold

her: that my powerhouse

Apr 17
+420,601 notes



Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most of north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar

This is one of the most inspiring posts i’ve ever seen

Apr 16
+4,509 notes


releasing a blood curlding scream when u get passed in mario kart

Apr 16
+1,125 notes


math teacher: to find the missing side of a right triangle you use pythagorean theorem
me: Haha and then what??;)

Apr 16
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Apr 16
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Apr 16
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Apr 16
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after my procedure at the hospital today my doctor tried to explain all of the medications he’s putting me on and i was kind of out of it on pain meds and he goes, “and i’m going to be putting you on some serious steroids, do you have any problems with that?” 

and apparently i looked at my mom and whispered, “i’ll never play major league baseball” and started crying